Dreaming of Abroad

For many years Mehmet had a dream of living abroad. It had become a passion for him. He had passed the university exam, studied in English at one of the best universities in Turkey. After graduating he did his master's degree in a very well known university. His dream had always been to work abroad, but he was only able to get a job in Turkey. Years went by, he got married and had a child. Most of his friends were scattered in different parts of the world. And here he was beginning to feel hopeless, "I'm too old to fulfill my dreams." he thought. He constantly complained about his life, his job, the city and the country he lived in. The company he was working for was transferred to a different owner. Some of his friends were laid off in the new process and more would be laid off. The factory had almost stopped production. So he started looking for a new job before he was thrown out of his current one. He was afraid of being unemployed...

 

Maybe this is my last chance he thought. “If I can't go abroad now then it would be too late for me to adapt to a new country, a new job after my 40s”. With all these thoughts in mind, he started to apply for suitable jobs both in Turkey and in different countries. One day his phone rang, it was an international number. He was bursting with excitement. He answered the phone, there was a lady on the other side. She was telling him that his application was confirmed and that their manager wanted to meet him. He was extremely surprised and giddy with joy. Then everything happened very fast, phone calls, e-mails, interviews... Suddenly, he had achieved the result he had dreamed of for years, the result he wanted so much. Even though they offered lower than he expected it was enough for him to make a living there. And after some time he would be able to bring his family too. Just with a few arrangements all could be taken care of. He decided that he was going to think about it some more then write them a reply.

 

Mehmet was very fond of his family and the thought of leaving them was difficult to accept. But, it was not far and he could take them with him after a while. Still he would be away and if they got sick or something happened to them he would not be able to look after them. He would not be able to see or take care of his siblings and relatives as frequently as he wanted to. He would miss out on seeing his nephews and nieces grow up. Nothing would be like living in the same city, in the same country as them.

 

"But all my friends went abroad, they live a very comfortable life there, everything is very organized, people respect each other, there is no inflation, they have a very comfortable and peaceful life with how much they earn. Even though i was more successful than them at school i couldn't go abroad and I earned much less money here. Everyday I spend three hours on traffic constantly avoiding arguments with rude people. I have no patience in this country anymore." he thought.

 

After a few days, Mehmet was more confused than ever. He was looking at the documents in his hands with a ton of unanswered questions, contemplating his needs and wants. Was it really necessary to go abroad? He didn't know if it was a necessity or just a whim. He looked at the papers in his hands, wondering whether he should fill them in or not. So, what was he going to do now? How was he going to decide?

The Experiential Design Teaching says:

 "When one's emotions are very intense, one confuses, mistakes their wants with their needs." We work immensely to achieve what we want in this life... Thinking at the end we will be happy and successful but when we get what we wanted we painfully realize that it does not make us as happy as we expected. When we don't think carefully about what we really need or the outcomes of our choices we tend to act on a whim. When our desires are unmanageably intense, we make choices according to our wants thus can’t foresee what will happen in the long run. All the while thinking that we are actually making a choice.

 

"What do I really want?" said Mehmet out loud. When he thought about it, he realized how much he had actually achieved so far. Looking back he was much better than when he first graduated. Since he had been working for years, he had bought a small house, got married, and had very good relationships with his family and friends. But his desire and dream of going abroad had blinded him so much that he was always complaining about the problems he faced at work or overall the country.  When he looked carefully, he began to realize the value of what he had.

 

Had he been in too much of a hurry, had he not thought enough? He had always looked at what others had and didn’t realize the value of what he had. Now that he thought about what he was going to lose, he began to see all that was given to him..

 

He got up and went to the computer. He opened the e-mail he received again. He wanted see how much time was left before he had to reply. He needed some time to think about what he had done right and wrong so far to make the right choice... He decided to wait a little longer, to ask for more time.

 

He would sit down, think it all over, write it down;

 

- What do I really want?

 

- What do I have to give up, what do I have to risk?

 

- What do I have to do for this desire?

 

- Am I willing to pay it’s price?

 

- Is this what i need or what i want?

 

We are all faced with similar situations as people. Where we find it difficult to decide whether to act on our want or our need. In such situations, instead of looking at those who have less than us we tend to look at the ones that have it better. But the question one must ask is whether our choices are really beneficial. Because what determines the quality of our choices in the first place is whether they’re beneficial and whether they meet our need.

 

Experiential Design Teaching is a knowledge community that produces strategies for designing our future based on past experiences.

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"There is only one thing in life that never can be discovered; The better one..."

Yahya Hamurcu