Clarity requires precaution

That evening, he started with the salad in front of him. Then, he placed some of the meat without sauce on the other side of the plate. I noticed that he added a few spoons of rice as well. He ate differently from everyone else, but no one seemed to notice. I had been keeping an eye on my brother Onur for a while. Was he always like this? Even if he was full, he used to eat plates of rice. He would wipe the bottom of the meat pan with three or four slices of bread. It was so delicious, but now... strangely, he wasn’t eating bread at all. It was obvious that something had changed in his eating habits, but I couldn’t pinpoint it. If I said "he’s hiding it," he wasn’t acting that way. If I said "he’s not hiding it," that wasn’t true either. One thing was clear though: with every passing day, his communication with us was getting better.

Onur had graduated from university a few years ago. As soon as he finished school, he found a job and moved into his own place, leaving behind the school years spent alone. During his education, he had picked up some bad habits. His alcohol consumption, which was modest during school, increased significantly after graduation. He had been addicted to cigarettes since high school. Alcohol, smoking, and a heavy work schedule had also taken away the time he could have dedicated to exercise. Over the months, he gained weight, and his immune system weakened. He was constantly getting sick but never had time to go to the hospital. He was getting by with temporary support medications and vitamin supplements.

His condition was upsetting for the whole family, especially me… because I was the one who had invested the most time and care in him. Since we didn’t have a mother, I had become both a sister and a mother to him. I didn’t want to interfere in his decisions, but I never stopped praying for him…

It was clear that something had changed in his life in the past few months. He was visiting us more often. When he was with us, he wouldn’t answer calls, even if it was work-related. And for some reason, he was always eating. At first, I couldn’t understand whether he was doing this to avoid my pies. A child who used to never put down his phone and would carry tray after tray of pies to work — what had happened to him?

When we were sitting together as a family, if anyone was about to smoke, he would immediately go outside. I thought he was going out to smoke as well, telling us he was “getting some fresh air,” but then I realized he wasn’t smoking anymore.

He used to be unable to resist my sweets. Now, he calmly refused them and set them aside. I couldn’t say anything to his clarity. His reactions to situations were not only more careful but also calmer. And there was... a clarity I couldn’t quite define in his demeanor.

If someone started raising their voice during a conversation, he would immediately calm the situation or get up and go outside. Once the tension was gone, he would come back in with a smile. That smile suited him so well as a man. Normally, my brother wasn’t an easy person to smile. I always saw him as tough, and I never expected to see him like this. I was both surprised and happy at the same time.

Whatever had happened to him, wherever he had gone, it had done him good. Seeing him this way made me happy. My brother was changing for the better every day, and everything was getting better. Our prayers had been answered.

The Experimental Design Teaching says: "Clarity requires precaution."

In the decisions we make, we prove our clarity and sincerity with our precautions. Just like Onur did in his life…

 Experiential Design Teaching is a knowledge community that produces strategies for designing our future based on past experiences.

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"There is only one thing in life that never can be discovered; The better one..."

Yahya Hamurcu