WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS

She was sitting in front of the window, watching the sunset. She was absorbed in observing the red color of the cloud. “What kind of illusion is it that it looks like a red cloud?” she thought. It was as if the cloud was penetrating into the sun and the sun was coloring the cloud red. No matter how much it seemed like that, who knows how many light years were between them.

She sighed deeply; she had seen so many sunsets. Really, how had all this time passed without her realizing most of it?

She had tried to change things she could not change. And yet it had already happened. Life was like a red cloud. It seemed as if it would change if you intervened with someone or something. But people and outcomes were not under your control. In fact, the cloud didn't turn red. It was just pretending to be for a short time. This visual show in the clouds pushed her into deep thoughts.

For a long time, she thought she could change whatever she was dissatisfied with. She thought she could change by complaining, arguing, crying. There were things she could change, but it was not at all as she thought. After a long time and a lot of pain, the sun was setting once again. It was strange to think about these things with the clouds that looked like red.

Work life, wife, children, friends... There had been a lot of hard times. It was as if a knife had been stabbed that never seemed to come out. Those times hurt so much. She had spent years crying and raging.

No matter how much she stomped, what was going to happen had happened. It had happened, but how did she respond to this?

Amidst all these painful memories, she thought of her husband in a different way. A smile spread across her face. How much he loved to tease her when he was alive. Every time, she would take it seriously and cry for days. Now she understood, he loved to tease her. But she didn't know that it was because she was loved. She didn't know that it was sweet teasing, that she would miss those days.

It was meant to be...

Her regrets came to her mind... And what ifs... How seriously she had taken very small things. She felt as if she had devoted her life to whatever was unimportant. “What a waste!” she thought.

If only she understood that her husband had teased her because he loved her. He was a man who was easy to get along with, a man who could say yes, a man who could suddenly burst into anger and then forget why they were fighting. All these were his innate traits. If only she could understand and accept that he was different from her. It was hard to understand when the two of them were so opposite to each other and looked at everything so bitterly.  Because she was a very strict person who never forgot anything, who took even jokes seriously.

Whatever! What's happened is what's happened.

She thought about the moments of the past. Just thinking about what would have happened if she could have looked at them with a smile at that moment was enough to bring tears to her eyes.

She sighed deeply. She wiped the tear from her eye. She wanted to spend the rest of her time with a smiling face. After all, she couldn't change what had happened. She would live focused on what she could change and turn her regret into an experience. 

She turned off the oven. She had cooked a quince dessert to deliver to the neighbors. Humming a sweet tune, she smilingly stretched her hands into the cold water. She was satisfied with her experiences.

The Experiential Design Teaching says: One cannot change anything that is not in one's control.

Even though people try to change the people in their relationships and the events in their lives, they fail. This failure causes tension, arguments, fights and separation in relationships. However, isn't it the ability to see things as they are, to look at why they happen, to accept them as they are as long as they don't cause harm that makes people human? Is the problem the other person or the difference in desires?

Don't you think it would solve a lot of things if people determine their reaction according to the answer to this question?

Experiential Design Teaching is a knowledge community that produces strategies for designing our future based on past experiences.

The "Who is Who", "Mastery in Relationships" and "Success Psychology" Seminar Programs offer the needed methods for those who want to be happy and successful in life by solving their problems and achieving their goals.

"There is only one thing in life that never can be discovered; The better one..."

Yahya Hamurcu