Her Good Part
The trick is to be able to see
"You know how sometimes you feel something strange, and you can't describe it? It’s at the tip of my tongue. Hah! I got it…” said Elif. "I mean, you go through something, and you suffer until you name what it is. But when you understand what it’s all about then all becomes clear."
“Finally,” thought Sevgi while listening to her friend Elif
talk about her issues. She poured herself and Elif some tea and asked; "So
you are saying that your sister was not really close to you, but now she gets
along with you because you have to take care of your mother together. Is that
why you think she became closer to you than she was before?"
Elif felt understood and responded: "Yes, exactly and
you know what, it is okay. At least she tries. She could have said she wouldn't
care for our mother and left. But apparently she wants to help me."
Sevgi was not expecting this answer from her. "Look how
she focuses on the bright side” she thought.
How strange…
When we go through a bigger difficulty, we can be grateful for the smaller ones. Elif's words were enlightening to Sevgi. So, if a person needs someone's support, they also need to be able to get along... Elif's sister, who always gave her a hard time suddenly became her supporter. She became her other half, her better half.
So, it is the mutual problems that unite people.
When we realize we need each other’s help in solving a common
problem we overcome our previous ones. "How strange," Sevgi
found herself saying. She quickly recovered. Thankfully, Elif was preoccupied
with taking another bite from her cake, so she did not hear her.
Elif continued: "Whatever happened, it means that there
is something good in my sister's heart somewhere.
Besides, not everyone has to like me, they can't. I have a different
lifestyle and it doesn't have to appeal to her. She has a lifestyle that
doesn't appeal to me either. But that doesn't mean we can't solve our issues,
which concerns both of us. Maybe it sounds strange, but in my mind, it's like I
divided our life into different pieces. Her helping me is her great part but
she has other habits that don’t align with my values. If you find the good in
people, it gets easier to connect.”
Every word Elif was saying made Sevgi realize
something new.
How do we find the good parts in people?
"It is not easy to see the good parts of someone who wronged you.
It's hard to see someone’s good side when they are being unfair to you..."
thought Sevgi.
As if Elif heard her words she said: "I used to have
this attitude where I was sure that people were being unfair to me. And this attitude used to make me immensely
unhappy. It was as if I went shopping and everything I brought home had
some sort of a defect. But it was not true. Some features of that product can
be bad compared to some products,
whereas some features can be good compared
to others. So, the trick is to see
the good side, because everyone already focuses on the bad side..."
Sevgi started contemplating her own relationships. She
thought of the people she complained about. She even tried to think about
someone very opposite to her. What could their good side be? Even though it was
difficult, being able to see their positive parts both pleased and saddened
her. Those parts were always there
but she was too blind to see. A little bit of sadness filled her heart because
she had not seen these beautiful parts of them until now. Then she felt warm inside filled with hope.
Who knows what other good parts they had…
Before talking to Elif, there were two kinds of people in
Sevgi’s life: very good people and very bad people. She would see the negative
aspects of people she didn't like, people she didn't get along with, and she
would move away from them. She thought that others weren’t aware of them, and
she wanted to warn them about how bad they were. But in fact, everyone was able to see the
positive and negative sides of people around them. The only difference was that
they communicated with the positive side. How could I not realize
this? A person cannot be entirely bad.
I also have bad and good sides. How
unfair of me. I should call my friends I have fallen out with and get back in
touch with them." she thought.
Elif was the exact opposite of her on this. According to Elif, her friends can never do
anything wrong. If someone said something negative about her beloved
friends, she would immediately defend them. But this was also not the right
thing to do. Just as people we dislike can have positive aspects, it is normal
for those we love to have negative ones. "No one can be perfect, and no
one can be bad in every way. How one-sided
was I thinking?" she reflected.
She promised herself that from now on, she would try to see
both sides of the people she met. She thanked Elif, she was grateful. She felt content when she realized
that the pessimist part of her was slowly changing. Being able to look at life
from two sides made her feel lighter as if a burden had been lifted from her...
The "Who is Who", "Mastery in Relationships" and "Success Psychology" Seminar Programs offer the needed methods for those who want to be happy and successful in life by solving their problems and achieving their goals.
"There is only one thing in life that never can be discovered; The better one..."
Yahya Hamurcu
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