Complaint

More Than a Complaint

She hadn’t yet opened her eyes. Bright sunlight was seeping through her eyelids. Her mother’s voice echoed from the hallway: “I’m sick and tired of this man!” She opened her eyes and took a deep breath. For a moment, she wanted to gather all her strength. Because in a little while, her mother would barge in her room to complain to her, and that’s exactly what happened:
“We’ve been married for 32 years, enough is enough! My youth, my beautiful years have been wasted. I never felt like a bride or a wife. His mother is the same, his whole family’s like this…”

She didn’t listen any further. She left the room to wash her face. Right now, it was her father they were talking about, but later in the day, another issue would come up. Her mother’s complaints were endless, and Merve didn’t want to hear them anymore.

She had always tried to find a solution, but her efforts were in vain. On the contrary, she had ended up getting stuck in the middle.

Complaining was preventing them both from finding solutions.

Once, Merve was in a similar situation. Unhappy, blaming others, constantly complaining. She could stay in her room all day without lifting a finger. When she did leave the room, all she did was hang out with her friends. Her life consisted of shopping, eating, going to the movies, watching TV, and going out… But all that fun wasn’t enough to make her happy. She constantly complained about missing something and was unhappy with her life.

As she couldn’t deal with her problems, she blamed everyone and everything—life, fate—except herself. The things she wanted never ended. New furniture, a nice vacation, an understanding husband… She complained about being single but wasn’t ready for marriage either. Her life was caught in a vicious cycle, and she wasn’t even aware of it.

One day, her close friend Zehra invited her over. She couldn’t deny that she envied Zehra’s life. She seemed genuinely happy.

-“Merve, why don’t you come over tomorrow? We’ll chat, watch a movie, have some snack. Maybe walk by the shore. What do you say?”

-“Ugh, Zehra, in this cold? I don’t even have the energy. What walk are you talking about?”

-“Come on! If you don’t want to walk, we won’t.”

-“I said I don’t have the energy! I don’t feel like leaving the house. Winter is really getting me down. Let’s do it another time, when I feel better.”

-“You say that now but that energy never really comes -you never feel better.”

-“What can I do, you know how things are.”

-“Get ready, I’m coming to pick you up. I’ll be at your door in twenty minutes.” Click.

Merve didn’t know what to do. She quickly got ready and threw her pajamas into a bag but realized she’d forgotten her toothbrush once they got in the car. On the road, she noticed Zehra wasn’t taking her home.

“Where are we going?”

When they arrived at the seaside, Merve didn’t want to get out of the car.
 “I told you I didn’t want to walk.”

 “Are you sure you want to continue living your life this way?” Merve was stung by Zehra’s question.

“You know how hard these times are. It’s tough to find a job, my mom and dad are both on my case. Their divorce is just a matter of time…”

“Okay,” said Zehra. “But don’t you think there are people in this world living in harder conditions than you, and yet they overcome them and enjoy life?”

Merve paused.
 “Of course there are, but my life is my concern.”

“Maybe you need to look at life differently. It’s natural that your parents’ issues affect you since you live under the same roof. But your reactions, your attempts at solutions, your way of thinking—they haven’t worked. If you were on the right path, you’d see some progress and feel better.”

Merve didn’t respond, but it was clear Zehra was right. Her life had been getting more and more tangled over the last three years.

“I actually know your mom well, and I love her. She’s done a lot for me too. But even though you blame her, you’re doing the same thing she does. You complain about everything. But people who complain can’t create solutions. Because complaints breed more complaints.”

An important truth we must remember is: A person’s sorrow and joy are within themselves…
 Not in what they experience.
 Each person is actually tested with themselves, Not with their relationships in this world.

Sometimes we hear deeply valuable insights from others that could change our lives—but it may take time to fully grasp them. Applying them can take even longer. Sometimes, we never do.

It’s only when we reduce our complaints that we can truly appreciate these gifts life offers us. Because the difficulties life gives us are, in fact, tests to help us reach something better.

May we recognize where we are tested and pass them…

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Yahya Hamurcu